In the course of the pregnancy, we’ve been given a couple of different due dates, and today marks the third out of all three. As each one hit, we were at the ready, bags packed and set to go, only to find nothing happening.
I knew we had jinxed ourselves. When we went to a doctor’s appointment last week, we had our overnight bag in the car, extra food out for the cats, and everything set to go. We got in the car to head to the doctor’s and I realized ‘we’ve just jinxed ourselves. There’s no way this baby is coming when we’re this prepared.’
So, I was convinced that with a full slate of projects on the July 4th holiday, THAT was when the baby would decide to come. I mean, if it didn’t come when we were prepared for it, surely it would come on the day we decided to a) fix a ceiling fan b) assemble a dining room table and chair set that had been sitting around for months and c) did some gardening, yard work and weeding.
But alas, it did not. The work week then continued and the beat goes on. Two due dates given have passed.
As we start out the day on this third due date, we of course are hopeful, but yet, there seems to be no contractions, no increased movement, just…nothing.
So, for the time being, that just puts us in a waiting period. As the doctor says: “it’ll have to come out sometime,” and when it does, we’ll be waiting for it, anxious to meet whoever this new little person is.
I’m sure I can find some other things to write about in the meantime. 🙂
About a month to go.
Seriously? As I type that first sentence, I just can’t help but ask myself, has 34 weeks really gone by that quickly? Why has it taken me this long to finally sit down and put my thoughts to page? My wife and mother in law suggested writing about the process of fatherhood to be months ago, yet, here I am at 34 weeks before I even typed out a single word. If this is how far behind I am on writing about it, how far behind am I going to be when the kid actually gets here?
These are the thoughts that went swimming through my brain the minute I started thinking about this tonight. It’s just how my mind works. Always a handful of questions, always doubting what I didn’t accomplish or why I didn’t do it sooner. It makes me worried for what kind of a father I’m going to be.
I sit up a lot at night and get lost in my thoughts. I wonder what are child will be like. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will they take after Meg or myself? Will they want to read comic books or go to a baseball game? Then it’s not long before my mind goes to a darker line of questioning that’s just downright frightening. Will they a good person? Will they be kind to others? To animals? What kind of friends will they have? How will they be influenced? Will we live in this small house forever? Where else could we possibly live? What kind of role models we be for the child? Will they even care?
You see what I mean. I thought getting cats made me a worrier. The prospect of another human being that is going to grow into a adult one day, a living breathing member of society, is just plain frightening, and loaded with questions that I don’t have answers to.
And now there’s only four weeks to go and I feel woefully unprepared for this.
Sure, we’ve been taking classes to understand the birthing process. We’ve been, little by little, getting things done around the house – putting shelves up in the nursery closet, assembling the crib, painting a dresser and putting it in the nursery. Tiny steps towards the little one’s arrival.
But yet, I keep having this nagging feeling that I’m supposed to be doing more. It haunts me, this feeling that, if I don’t have x y and z done in plenty of time for this baby’s first step into the house that I’m starting them, and us as a family off on the wrong foot.
It’s because of that feeling that I feel I wasted the first 8 months of this pregnancy. I was so busy crossing things off of lists and running around to make sure “things were done” that I never stopped to take in and appreciate what is going on – the life that is being created and the family that is being created. Now, there’s only one month to go before that child is here and our lives are never again the same. And yet, it’s taken me all this time to stop and realize it, leaving me with four weeks to cherish it while it is here.
You only get one first. Don’t waste it. Take the time to stop, slow down, and appreciate it.