Some things I’d tell my younger self

It’s that time of year when countless folks make their way across the stage, the years of hard work and mountains of memories culminating in those steps over the platform, degree in hand as they step into their future. 

Looking back on that time, if I could go back, there’s a few things I wish I could tell my younger self before he headed out into the world.

  • Eat breakfast. It will help you get through your day and hold you back if you skip.
  • Empathy is not a weakness and caring for others is not political.
  • Time only moves in one direction – forward. No matter how much we wish we could turn it back, yesterday is a memory.  So enjoy the days you have, but never long for them so much that you drag your feet from moving with time into the days ahead.
  • Try to keep a pen with you or nearby. You never know when you’ll have to write something down.
  • Education is one of the best investments you can make for your community and for the future. Whether you have kids or not, public education is good because it provides the overall public and society with an educated populace that helps improve upon everything around us. It helps make a better tomorrow for everyone. 
  • Know your value. Don’t ever let anyone else define it for you. 
  • Your time, your energy, your heart are valuable. Don’t give it away to people who don’t deserve it.
  • People will turn mean. Don’t let it turn you. Hold onto your heart and don’t let the chill of others turn it cold.
  • You will never be richer than when surrounded by good friends who lift you up. Likewise, be sure you are lifting them up.
  • Make the world a better place when you leave it than when you found it.
  • If you don’t speak to the future you want, others will define your future for you.

I can’t go back in time, of course. But if I could, I’d tell young me that while this list is not all-encompassing, I hope you remember these things as you stumble through the years ahead.

Things aren’t always going to go as you planned. In fact, they rarely will. You’ll have some fun. You will get hurt. You’ll do some hurting and act in ways that you’ll look back on and cringe, wishing you had done better. But all of those moments, the good and the bad, will play a role in who you will eventually become.

And though you won’t always make the right choice every time, if you learn from the mistakes you make, let them inform you as you try to do better.

You may not end up where you expected, but where life does carry you will be a journey worth taking. Embrace it – the path, the stops, the lessons, and of course, the people along the way.

Falling for Autumn

I make no bones about it – I’m an autumn guy. It’s my season. Pull out the sweaters, the flannel, stack the hay bales by the scarecrow, bring on the fall flavor coffees and the cider donuts. I look forward to it all.

Our October calendar has been busier than we ever possibly imagined. Both our jobs, the overflowing cup of all the extracurricular activities each kid is involved with these days and just trying to keep a household functioning are enough to make our heads spin.

Free time? Those few minutes we get when the kids have fallen asleep to try and talk about the day before one of us inevitably nods off in the chair signaling the night is over? We squeeze in what we can where we can. 

We’ve taken the kids apple picking, watched the leaves change color on walks. I’ve indulged in the Fall Sampler Coffee Packs from Bones Coffee and the Starbucks Fall Blend to start the mornings.

And we paid a visit to the pumpkin patch.

Sure, I know there can be a lot of anti-autumn sentiment out there, especially floating around in the age of social media and I don’t expect everyone to have the same feelings toward the season I do. I get that. I’m very lucky to have married someone who loves the season and doing these things as much as I do. 

And even if I didn’t enjoy it, the simple fact of the matter is – it’s not always about me. Sometimes it’s doing the things that bring joy to your loved ones and taking in how much happiness these little moments can bring them. Sure, you could go buy a bag of apples or a pumpkin at the grocery store. Absolutely. But that’s not what it’s about. It’s about making memories with loved ones and being a part of something they look forward to and can fondly look back on.

When other people welcome us into their lives, it’s because they want us to be a part of it. If in the face of that love you make your company unpleasant to be in, it’s only going to make that affection all the weaker.

And when your spouse, your kids, your significant other, whomever, look back, it won’t be with happy memories that make them remember you fondly. It’ll be a resentment and a bitterness that you put so much energy into squashing the chance to make memories with them. Do you want to be remembered whenever they experience the seasons change as the one that stomped on their joy?

The days may be long, but the years are short. You only get one go around with your kids before their lives are their own. So just enjoy the darn pumpkin patch. Or the apple picking. And let them enjoy it too.

It won’t be long before the seasons of life change and you don’t have it anymore.

A spot of tea and a dose of nothing

It was a Saturday morning.

I was woken up by the sounds of birds at the window and cats in need. I sleepwalked out to the living room to help our feline friend. I was about to shuffle myself back to bed when I realized that I was the only one in the house awake. An anomaly, to be sure. The older I get, the more being a morning person slips out of my reach, so I was not used to being up before anyone else. For whatever reason, I put on the tea kettle and when the whistle blew, made myself a nice cup of black tea. My favorite way to start the day and always my go-to before jumping into a pot of coffee over the next several hours. I plopped myself on the couch, looking out the front window at absolutely nothing going on in the neighborhood as I sipped my tea and savored the morning sun. 

It doesn’t happen often in this phase of parenthood, having thoughts to yourself. I’m sure I’ll have plenty as the years go on, but right now they’re few and far between, wedged between the juggling of what needs to be done, who needs what, and just trying to keep the lives, responsibilities, concerns, schedules, and hopefully somewhere in there, some enjoyment, of five human beings every moment of every day.

In those fleeting moments, I watched the golden light of the sun pour over a neighborhood not quite ready to come to life. The absence of any human activity laid the focus on the squirrels running across the grass of the front yard, chasing each other up the trunk and through the branches of the trees, flowing in a very gentle breeze. And in those moments, my brain did something I honestly should force it to do more often – nothing. No planning out lists, no compulsive need to be productive and “make the most of the time.” No. I just sat there and watched the world go by. And I felt really really good about it.

It lasted just under ten minutes before our youngest woke up and attention shifted elsewhere, but in those ten minutes, it was nice. 

The Phantom Rewatch

The year was 1996. I had been a latecomer to the galaxy far, far away when some friends took me with them to the movie theater in the mall to see the Special Edition re-releases of the original Star Wars trilogy. 

The adventure, the fantasy, the music. It was my first time seeing Star Wars and there was something about it that left me hooked. And there was so much left between the lines. Clone Wars? What is that about? Anakin Skywalker? What was that guy like? Jedi Knights? Sounds medieval. Neat. The imagination swirled with potential images of all these things spoken of from a time before we, the audience, joined in. 

As hard as it may be to believe for those folks growing up in the current media landscape, there was a time when that was it for Star Wars. You had the original trilogy. If you were really gung-ho, you could seek out novels with additional stories, but in terms of movies, you had three. No TV shows, no animated series, nada. 

So the pop culture hype that came about in 1999 when a new Star Wars movie headed to theaters was real. Very real. And having only been introduced to the original trilogy a few years earlier, the excitement was still very fresh in my teenage mind. I couldn’t wait. 

When the lights of the projector flickered and the movie unfolded, I thought – this is…okay. Fun to see a young Obi-Wan. Cool to jump back into these worlds again, even if I’m not feeling it as much as I was when I saw the original installments. As time went on, I think I also got caught up in some of the vibes around me, dunking on the movie as a lackluster addition to the franchise and then in time, just sort of forgot about it aside from a casual reference or joke in conversation here and there.

So we’ll fast forward a little more than two decades. It’s 2022/2023 (I don’t quite recall) and my son and I are hanging out as everyone else is out of the house for the evening. He’s seen the original Star Wars trilogy and asks if he can watch the Prequels. His friends have seen them all and he’d like to catch up. 

In my mind I’m reluctant because my memory is telling me they’re just not good. But I don’t say it aloud and we open up Disney+ with a bucket of popcorn and start up Episode I – The Phantom Menace. I’m watching it but more importantly, I’m watching him watch the movie. The smiles, the laughs (yes, even Jar-Jar Binks), the “whoa”s, and the excitement as the music would swell for some epic battle sequence. He was filled with the same sense of joy I had felt when I watched the original trilogy for the first time.

And as I’m watching it with him, I found I was enjoying it too, far more than I had in the past. In those moments, my entire perspective on the movie changed because instead of the cynicism of a late teen/early adult, I got to experience it through the eyes of a 10-11 year old – the audience the movie was made for.

When the movie’s 25th anniversary (egads, how is it that much time has gone by) came along in 2024, we went to see it together at the movie theater and I got to experience it with him all over again. “It’s even better on the big screen,” he told me as we left.

It’s a big, raucous, space adventure about a young boy with spaceships, laser swords, goofy aliens, and robots. It’s tailor-made for young kids. The cynical 19 year old me, twenty-something me, etc, didn’t get it but I’m glad that, while it took a few years, I was able to, for those two hours, tap into the fun of being a kid again with my own at by my side. 

So, I’m sorry, George Lucas. I was wrong. It just took me to see it through the eyes of a child to really see that. 

I guess I just needed to see it…”from a certain point of view.”

The Cat’s Meow

Before we were parents to three high-energy humans, we were parents to three already-adult felines.

I always thought that our taking in of these strays and learning to care and be responsible for other beings was what made me feel ready for fatherhood when it came.

We lost the first of those three in 2019 – when our dear orange Beardslee left us due to what was believed to be cancer. I still miss his calming presence. His final months were a struggle, for he and us. He had lost control of his bowels, and hearing him awaken in the middle of the night often meant we had to as well in order to follow him through the house and clean up any mess left behind as he walked. It was trying and we wish we had known sooner just how sick he seemed to be. Looking back, while we always wish we could have more time with him, I still think it was better he went when he did in Fall 2019, before the chaos that would ensue just a few months later in 2020. I can’t imagine dealing with his needs, issues, and the constant appointments leading up to the end amid the upheaval in the world at the time. 

Four-plus years later, the recent months have found our two remaining kitties dealing with their own share of health issues. Winston, our little gray boy, was diagnosed with diabetes in the fall after a stretch of out-of-character behavior and lethargy led to several vet visits and blood tests. Our other boy, Jasper, who has had thyroid issues for a few years, now is also battling arthritis, anemia, kidney failure, and about two weeks ago – blindness. It happened literally overnight. He woke up on a Friday morning and was bumping into everything, crying as if he were lost, and generally confused. The vet’s theory is that he had high blood pressure, which often goes hand-in-hand with kidney failure. A spike in that blood pressure overnight is what caused him to lose his sight. I can’t blame him for his fear. I would be downright terrified if I were to wake up one day without my ability to see.

Suddenly our little four-legged boy who, like clockwork, used to leap into bed and nudge his way between us, turn on his side and lay an arm on Meg to go to sleep can no longer find the bed, let alone have the vision to leap into it. We pick him up sometimes when he’s wandering in the dark and place him with us right where he would always go, but there’s always a level of alertness when we do. We need to be ready to wake up if he does before he walks off the bed and falls to the floor.

It’s been an adjustment for all of us – cats, parents, and kids included. We’re still adjusting. Two shots a day for Winston and a prescription diet seemed like a change of pace. But now, Jasper’s issues have went from just a pill twice a day for his thyroid to also a liquid med for arthritis, a once a month shot for arthritis, liquid iron for the anemia, his own prescription diet for the kidney disease, and liquid blood pressure medicine. Thank god for Meg, who handles the meds with aplomb like a seasoned alligator wrestler. Winston’s insulin shots, I can do, no problem. But with Jasper’s loss of sight, he no longer takes the pills in little pill pockets like he used to. And liquid meds? Phew. He will spit it all over rather than get it down his gullet, especially the iron. I can’t say I blame him. Who wants the taste of metal in their mouth every day?

Yes, they’re aging, just as we all do. Much like us, they each age differently. They’ve gone from being our “first babies” to watching us bring home little human babies. Now those little humans are growing up too, and helping care for the furry little siblings who once nudged their baby-sized heads on the floor. These latest changes in life for them has certainly led to a change for all of us. Our plans are now more regularly timed to coincide with medicine schedules, and with the recent blindness we try not to leave Jasper alone for too long on his own – at least until he gets a better lay of the land while being essentially in the dark.

But amid the disarray and the exhaustion, there does come a sliver of appreciation for the time we have while we have it. While it does not seem like we are yet in the end days as we were with Beardslee, so many health issues to tackle make us realize that our time with our loved ones, be they furry or otherwise, is far shorter than we would like. It’s easy to not realize amid the day-in and day-out that the faces we see, the people and beings we love, are on their own timetable. Enjoy the everyday moments, the things and faces and whiskers that seem so routine as we never know when that routine will quickly change and those seemingly mundane, every day moments will no longer be part of it.

The case for the hodgepodge Christmas tree

I’ve changed my mind when it comes to Christmas tree ornaments. 

I know this news will surely halt you in your tracks and cause a break into programming with such a bombshell news bulletin. And if you know what a news bulletin is in this day and age, kudos – your joints will probably hurt when you get up from reading this.

When I was in my twenties, something convinced me that Christmas tree decorating was all about aesthetics. Perhaps I fell prey to the marketing of carefully curated images in magazines and online articles or the displays in stores with baubles, selected to create a perfect, picturesque and camera-ready blend of colors against the green.

So out were the mismatched assemblage of ornaments that could range from elf to superhero at any given branch. In were the silver and blue, or red and gold of clean and slick Christmas. 

Nice looking on the surface, but as I look back, no connection to reach for beyond the first layer of pretty.

Now, in my forties, I find myself a convert to the hodgepodge Christmas tree. 

Aesthetics has its place, but now I realize so do memories. That’s exactly what those mismatched Christmas ornaments represent – memories. Each ornament is tied to a memory of the past: where it came from, when it arrived, or who made it It all brings about a swirl of reflections on times gone by, the places we’ve been, the people we’ve known, and what can sometimes seem like completely different lifetimes.

For me it might be a little glass Macy’s elf we picked up during a Christmastime visit to New York City before we were married, or a silver, glittery tree made up of spirals taken home from a Christmas party ornament exchange. Maybe it’s just Scrooge McDuck sitting in the tree, counting his money and reminding me of one of my favorite Christmas specials since I was a kid. Or any countless others reminders amid the green. 

So I say leave the picture-perfect, color-coordinated perfections to the department stores, to the magazines, and to the social media accounts. Dig out and embrace your past, hang it from a branch in all its mismatched fashion and enjoy the trip through the past wherever and whenever every branch takes you. 

Lucy and the Ghost Take the stage! by Dave Dellecese – Perfect Picture Book Friday

What an honor! And what a wonderful review!

“Lucy & The Ghost Take the Stage!” featured for “Perfect Picture Book Friday” by Patricia Tilton’s Children’s Books Heal.

Thank you for such kind words.

Patricia Tilton's avatarChildren's Books Heal

Lucy and the Ghost Take the Stage!

Dave Dellecese, Author

Karen Crystina, Illustrator

Dandy Press, Fiction, Mar. 7, 2023

Suitable for ages: 5-9

Themes: Theater, Performing Arts, Acting, Ghost, Kids making a difference

Opening: “In a quiet little town, / not as big as once before, / sat a cozy little theater / built in 1864.”

Synopsis: 

Lucy loves the theatre, rushing home after school each day to be part of the magic under the spotlight.

But in a world where screens have replaced the stage, can her beloved small town playhouse survive? Or will Lucy need help from an unexpected source to bring audiences back?

What I like about this book:

Dave Dellecese has written a charming story about a group of kids who want to save their historic theater. My favorite theme — a group of kids trying to make a difference in…

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Lucy and the Ghost Take the Stage!

If you want a small glimpse into the scattered nature of my mind at this stage of life, this certainly qualifies. I had a new children’s book come out in recent months and as a friend pointed out to me, I mostly forgot to tell people about it. Or, as he so put it – “I know if I had a new book out, I wouldn’t forget it. I’d be shouting from the rooftops about it.”

Whoops.

So, yeah. When I say I’m scattered and unsure what direction I’m going in these days, I think that’s a great example of how big or small, it all slips through the cracks.

Okay. So, yes! I have a brand new children’s book out, following up on the 2019 release of The Little Lamp comes a brand-new picture book from illustrator Karen Crysttina and myself – Lucy and the Ghost Take the Stage!

It’s the story of young Lucy Swarthout who loves the theatre and rushes home after school each day to be part of the magic under the spotlight. But in a world so often dominated by screens, it’s becoming harder for Lucy’s beloved small town playhouse to survive. It’ll take the work of the entire troupe, and some supernatural assistance if they expect to bring audiences back into the seats.

Celebrating the excitement and creativity of the arts and the wonder it brings to those of any age, child and adult alike, who tap into the joy of playing pretend up on stage, Lucy’s tale also reminds us that sometimes things seem much scarier in theory than they turn out to be in real life. It’s a concept I’ve had floating around in various stages for quite some years now, inspired by my own involvement in theatre throughout the years and the supposedly haunted small town stage where I met my wife when we were both cast in a show together.

Available in paperback, hardcover, and eBook form, I hope you’ll check it out. And if you enjoy it, please take a moment and leave an honest review on Amazon or Goodreads.

You can do it, Josh!

For several years we’ve had a weekly tradition of a movie night together. We rotate who’s turn it is each week and everybody gets a pick. Can it be a challenging battle of tastes when the youngest is in kindergarten and the oldest in fifth grade? Absolutely. But as we reiterate every week – don’t yuck someone else’s yum. And in the end, most of the time we all end up having a good time, regardless of the choice. A big bowl of popcorn doesn’t hurt either.

Recently, our kindergartner chose “Blues Big City Adventure” – a new movie with the famous blue-hued dog from Blues Clues and You and Josh (Joshua Dela Cruz) leaving their Storybook World behind for New York City, chasing after Josh’s dream of landing an audition for a Broadway show. 

In art imitating life, everything Josh and Blue touch in the Big Apple come to life in exciting and inspiring ways, from condiments on a hot dog cart to trees in the park, or just the spontaneous need into inspiring song and dance all come courtesy of Josh’s infectious energy and kindness. It’s art imitating life, as even as a grown-up viewer, you can not help but be swept up in Josh’s enthusiastic spirit. And, of course, he and Blue are not alone.

Of course, when Josh realizes he left his notebook at home with the audition address, the real adventure begins for them to find their way, while old friends from back home, like Mr. Salt take to the big city to get Josh his notebook, with the help of some old friends – Steve and Joe (Steve Burns and Donovan Patton, respectively). Even Alex Winter of Bill & Ted fame shows up offering some sage life advice as a wise cab driver.

While Blue’s Clues was after my time, I’m fully aware of the roles that Steve and Joe played to young viewers throughout their tenure, so it’s pure joy to see these guys fully embracing their place in the legacy of children’s programming and reprising their roles with a bit of experience and hilarious self awareness. 

When Mr. Salt, the talking salt shaker, tracks down Steve (now a Detective) to help find Josh’s lost notebook with the address of the audition, Mr Salt and Steve briefly reminisce about the good old days and the 3 clues that Josh (and his predecessors of course) jotted down to find a solution. In a wink and nod moment, Steve, looking off in the distance longingly reflects on the passage of time from his days of tracking three clues with Blue to solve a puzzle, telling Mr Salt. “Those were the days. These days I need four clues. Maybe five.” His straightforward delivery when picking up mustard to put on his hot dog (without a Thinking Chair these days, Steve relies on thinking food in the big city), he is unflappable as he greets the talking mustard container with an unfazed “Hello. How are you? Good to see you,” that is as natural as saying hi to an acquaintance walking down the street.    

The banter between Steve and Joe as they work together to track down Josh and return his notebook is as good as any buddy cop picture, and their abilities to both embrace and have fun in the roles forever placed in the hearts of the franchise’s growing audience is a pure delight, no matter your age.

Does Josh make it to the audition with the help of his friends? Of course he does! This is Blue’s Clues, after all! Can you imagine if he hadn’t? All is well with the world when the nearly 90 minute song and dance adventure comes to a close, and all of us, child and adult alike are left with an inspiring feeling to never give up on yourself.

Blue’s Clues: Blue’s Big City Adventure is available to stream via Paramount+.

The Fast Friendships of Youth

If you’re lucky, and I certainly feel I was, your childhood may have been spent running through yards, riding bikes down the street, jumping on the playground, or maybe thrilling to the latest episode of your favorite cartoon, all alongside a friend or two.

Those playground days seem so simple when we look back. You walk up, you introduce yourself, you start talking and you get to work on that wondrous and necessary job of childhood – playing.

Flash forward to our adult years and the awkward feelings of meeting fellow parents at a school function or kid’s birthday party, or the sheer number of times we tell someone (old friends and new acquaintances alike) that we need to get together, over and over again, constantly promising yourself it’ll happen, after just this one next thing you need to do.

So believe me when I say how, after years of awkwardness and social difficulties as aging adults, I was amazed on a recent beach trip with the family when I watched our youngest strike up friendships in a heartbeat.

Most of us waded into the water, adjusting from the initial shock of cold to not-quite-warmth-but comfortable (or is it just numbness?) that comes from staying a bit longer. Meanwhile, our preschooler, pail and shovel in hand, sat just a few feet away at the shore playing in the sand. It didn’t take long before another small child wandered on over and conversation instantly began about what she was doing. Within just a moment, they were already talking about what they could create in the sand together. No shovel? No problem. Without a thought, our younger grabbed an extra shovel from her batch of beach toys and handed it over. It wasn’t long before they both were digging, scooping, dumping and building with the grainy stuff. They didn’t even hesitate to make future plans.

OUR PRESCHOOLER: “We have to eat lunch soon.”

OTHER KID: “I don’t know what we’re having for lunch.”

OUR PRESCHOOLER: “You can have lunch with us.”

And, of course, don’t you know that, like the middle-aged, somewhat introvert I’ve become in recent years, I instantly clinched. “What are you doing?” I thought as I overheard it. “You can’t just invite some small kid you just met to eat with us. We don’t even know who they are. What will their parents say? They’ll think we’re weirdos!” This is the kind of mental runaway train that runs through our adult minds that would never occur to them in their pure unadulterated conversation or thoughts.

But not for them. 

What is it about children that allows them to make friends so easily? To strike up conversation with a complete stranger and immediately look for common interests without a lick of self-consciousness? It’s an amazing feat and one I suppose we could all learn from as the years pass us by. 

Maybe that’s a part of why we feel so much more disconnected from each other as adults, why those feelings of our childhood seem so farther away yet we become so nostalgic for. We write them off as “simpler times” but maybe the times themselves weren’t what was so simple. Perhaps it was the way we approached life, ourselves, and others – with an open, honest and welcoming outlook. Maybe, just maybe, we and the world might be a little bit happier at any age if we found a way to shirk the self-consciousness, the judgment and embraced the open-heart, open mind, and open inclusion we had when we were kids during those “simpler times”