What I’m Reading: Magical Child – Chapter 1

I have currently begun reading the book “Magical Child” by Joseph Chilton Pearce.

A quick web search of background on Pearce turns up his belief that active, imaginative play is the most important of all childhood activities because it cultivates mastery of one’s environment, which he terms “creative competence”. Children denied that form of play develop feelings of isolation and anxiety. He also believes that child-parent bonding is crucial, and sees modern clinical childbirth and lack of breast feeding as obstructions to that bonding.

I have so far only completed Chapter One of Magical Child, but I plan on sharing what I’ve come across as I move further through the book.

Any quotes that I reference should be automatically attributed to Pearce.

In it, Pearce covers a myriad of findings on a child’s brain as it develops from birth, including assessment that, much like the instinct found in other animals in nature (who learn and grow much faster than we humans do), the first few years of a child’s life are primarily made up of movements tied to their instinct or intent.

“The intent is simply an impulse that moves the child’s body in its initial crude attempts to interact with the actual world…the intent that drives the child for the first few years is that of physical interaction with all the possible contents of the living earth (its creatures, phenomena, experiences, and things) and, above all, its principles and laws of interaction. These principles are quite practical and mundane, such as “fall down, go boom,” and “fire means burn.” Each physical contact the child makes brings about a corresponding patterning, or learning, in his/her new brain.”

As a child grows, as does their brain, their intelligence (or ability to interact) comes from their interactions with the new phenomena they come across.

“Although this seems obvious, this movement from the known to the unknown proves to be both the key and the stumbling block to development. Most intellectual crippling comes from the failure to observe the balance of this movement. In our anxieties, we fail to allow the child a continual interaction with the phenomena of this earth on a full-dimensional level (which means with all five of his/her body senses); and at the same time, we rush the child into contact with phenomena not appropriate to his/her stage of biological development. That is, either we block the child’s movement into the unknown and so block intellectual growth, or we propel the child into inappropriate experience.”

Pearce says that in order to nurture the intelligence in our young, we’ve got to honor their progression from ‘concreteness towards abstraction,’ meaning that they must experience a full interaction with the earth as it is so that they their brain might structure a knowledge of the world.

“This is physical knowledge, or basic body-knowing. Only out of this kind of knowing can abstract thought develop, such as an understanding of the law of gravity rather than “fall down, go boom” or the laws of thermodynamics rather than “hot, don’t touch.”

He goes on to say that a child’s ability to have flexible logic is dependent on their ability to differentiate between their experiences and then put them into useful categories.

“This differentiation begins quite early in life and is the function of regulatory feedback. One automatic and natural result of this differentiation is the development of a conscious, personal awareness, a sense of individuality.”

One of the most interesting tidbits is Pearce’s thoughts on the dependency that the human race has put on tools. For years, academics have always argued that the human race’s ability to craft and use tools was what made them “‘so evolved,” yet it is those same tools, Pearce states, that are becoming such a crutch that we are actually holding back our own mental development.

“This belief is so ingrained that we actually believe that only through tools (houses, clothes, weapons, machinery, writing, books) can we survive. We assume that tool usage is the real mark of intelligence and set up tool capacity (including writing as a tool) as the final criteria for intelligence. We mold young minds accordingly, centering the training of children on tool usage and the complex abstract systems we have evolved out of such usage. Finally, we conclude that without this engineered tinkering with the mind of the early child, that child would be as a beast of the field, without language, thought or writing or horrors – tools.”

It doesn’t meant that we should go live with the wolves, he notes. He simply is stating that there is a balance meant for humans that were not meant to live in the conditions and ways that we have trapped ourselves into.

“The human was not meant to live in the wilderness. On the other hand, the current breakdown of social life clearly shows that we were not meant to live in the strange nightmare world of a city. Humans are designed to live in the garden. To live in the garden, we must tend that garden. We must be good stewards of our resources and exercise careful dominion over them. Tools could be an adjunct to this stewardship over the earth. We get in serious difficulties when we substitute mechanics for personal power, for they are qualitatively different functions.”

I know some of this may read like a text book as I quote form throughout the chapter, but I really did find this stuff fascinating, and felt Pearce’s quotes explained things better in some cases.

For those that I may have frightened off with these delving into child-rearing and development, don’t worry. I’ll still be writing about the myriad of other misadventures of fatherhood as I always have. Here and there, though, I’d like to continue sharing some of these interesting tidbits as I move further through Pearce’s work.

Oh, poop

I think I’ve hit another milestone of fatherhood.

Sure, I had already been sprayed during diaper changes and been spit up on during burpings.

But as of this this past weekend, (drum roll please), I was pooped on…right into my hand during a diaper change. 🙂

And all I could do was laugh.

That is all.

Our latest reads

It’s no secret that I absolutely love reading to my son.

I don’t know if, at just a few weeks old, his mind absorbs anything of what I’m actually saying so much as just listening to his father’s voice, but either way, it’s one of my favorite parts of the day. I try very much to make sure that at some point in the evening before bed, we get some father-son time, holding him, and reading him a story.

Needless to say, that makes children’s books my Achilles’ Heel. My wife will attest that I could spend the entire day in the Children’s Section of a bookstore, fascinated by all the offerings, both classic and modern. It can be a dangerous thing, I admit.

With that in mind, I wanted to share a few of my most recent finds to add to the little man’s bookshelf.

We’re in a Book by Mo Willems

I had never heard of Mo Willems before, but apparently Elephant and Piggie are a series of books, which is great to hear, because I really loved this one. Sat down and read it last night, once to the kid and once to myself because I got such a chuckle out of it.

With cute color drawings of Elephant and Piggie set against stark white backgrounds, the fourth wall is broken as the duo learn someone is watching them and that someone is the reader. They jump for joy that they’re “in a book” and then go into a panic when they realize that at some point, the book has to end. I really, really loved this and think it would be hard for any parent to resist.

Mr. Daydream by Roger Hargreaves

Being the open book that I am (all pun intended), it will come as no surprise how much I adore the Mr Men and Little Miss books. I went off on my Roger Hargreaves lovefest in an earlier post, and jumped at the chance when I found this one mixed in with some Berenstain Bears at our local Barnes and Noble, especially since they aren’t carrying the Mr Men series anymore.

So when I came across the last one remaining in the store, I snatched it up quickly. The 13th book in the Mr. Men series, it tells the story of a little boy named Jack, who lets his thoughts run wild when he looks out the window at school one day and suddenly sees Mr Daydream, who teaches him the power of imagination.

I Wish that I had Duck Feet by Dr. Seuss

We haven’t read this one yet, but I love the message of it. Published in 1965, it is the story of a young boy who wishes he could have different animal body parts (like a tiger tail) or mechanical body parts (like a water spout on his head). As he thinks about what life could be like with these wishes granted, he also realizes what problems might arise from them, and, in the end, realizes that the best thing to be, is just himself. What can I say, I love a good “be who you are” story. 🙂

So, those are the latest additions to the bookshelf that I’m sure we’ll be pulling off time and time again in the years ahead.

Whether he understands them or not right now doesn’t matter. He’s still developing. What’s nice is that we get to spend time together, as father and son, and that’s a story that I never want to end. 🙂

Regrets, I’ve had a few (tv edition)

Sorry for the Sinatra (or Sid Vicious, based on your musical tastes) reference, but ever since this weekend, I have carried with me a great sense of regret.

After our boy got his very first bath in the kitchen sink, I sat him down on my lap and watched some classic 1940s Donald Duck cartoons. Even my previous blog post was about cartoon watching, discussing wanting to watch Inspector Gadget with him, only to be disappointed it was no longer on Netflix.

Fate works in mysterious ways, and it’s a good thing it’s not on Netflix, because I have, since that day, deeply regretted exposing my little boy, just three weeks old, to television. I just couldn’t shake the nagging feeling inside me that what I was doing was more for myself than for he, and was nothing but detrimental to his development. “What was I thinking?” I keep asking myself. I fear I’ve made a big mistake, and truly hope that there is still time to make sure he is not negatively effected by this weekend’s couch-potato activity.

I’ve done a bit of reading since the tinge of regret has slipped in, and have come across a great deal of work by Dimitri Christakis of Children’s Hospital in Seattle and how babies can be harmed by watching television and video. Here’s some information on Christakis’ studies from the website www.raisesmartkid.com

According to studies by Christakis, the first 2 years of a child’s life is a critical time for their brain development and watching television takes time away from a child exploring, interacting and playing with parents and other, as well as actively learning by manipulating things around him. These are activities that help your kid develop the skills they need to grow intellectually, socially and emotionally.

A lot more notes on the negative effects of television on child development:

  • When your kid plays, he is actively learning about how the world works.  He wires his brain by experimenting with cause and effect.   When your kid interacts with people, he meets his emotional milestones.   TV keeps your kid away from these activities.
  • The first 2 years of your kid is also a critical time for learning language.  Language is only learned through interaction with others, not by passive listening to TV.  If you not respond to your kid’s attempt to communicate, your kid could miss this important milestone.  Also, your kid will not learn to talk by listening to TV characters baby talk or talk down to him.  Your kid learns to talk by mimicking adult language.  He learns from the adults’ simplified but correctly pronounced speech.
  • Note that when your baby smiles at the TV, the TV does not smile back.  This may affect him socially and psychologically.

Researchers have found that over the last 20 years, an increasing number of 9-month-old children are having trouble paying attention to voices when there is also background noise coming from the TV.  This may affect their paying attention in class when they go to school.

Also, when kids who watch TV go to school, they have to make a change from being primarily visual learners to listening learners.  If a kid watches more TV than interact with the family, he will have a hard time making this transition, and his school learning will suffer.

Dr. Christakis has found that children who watched television as babies are more likely to have shorter attention spans, problem concentrating and impulsiveness by age 7. He also states that although Attention Deficit Disorder is genetic, TV can also trigger this condition because TV rewires the baby’s brain.  The still-developing brain adapts to TV’s fast pace and overstimulation.

Also, in his study, Christakis found that children who watched TV as babies are less able to recognize letters and numbers by the time they go to school.  A 2005 University of Pennsylvania study found that watching Sesame Street before age 3 delayed a child’s ability to develop language skills.  This may be because babies are wired to be active and not passive learners.

  • Many TV shows and videos geared to kids are actually teaching them the wrong things.  They distort reality with their cartoonish and unnatural depiction of the world.  Also, the pacing of these shows is fast and teaches the baby’s sponge-like brain to always expect fast-paced input.  The real world, as they will soon find out, is much more boring and requires patience to adapt to.
  • Many other studies have found that long-term exposure to television diminishes children’s ability to communicate via reading and writing.   It can also lead to attention and learning problems in the long term.

In 2008, France’s broadcast authority has banned French channels from airing TV shows aimed at children under three years old. The High Audiovisual Council of France have found out that “Television viewing hurts the development of children under three years old and poses a certain number of risks, encouraging passivity, slow language acquisition, over-excitedness, troubles with sleep and concentration as well as dependence on screens.”

There are tips that are suggested regarding babies and TV watching:

  • Child experts agree that children under 2 should not watch any TV at all – and this also includes videos, computers and video games.
  • If you have to do work that requires concentration and you cannot multitask, do it at a time when your baby is napping.  If this cannot be avoided, let your kid play with toys on the floor or in the playpen instead.  Arrange a caregiver who interacts with your child if your child craves for human companion (which he naturally does).
  • Interact with your child as much as possible.  He needs this to build his brain.  Respond to his smile, speech and actions.   Entertain, recite rhymes, and sing to him in an engaging way.  No show on TV can beat what you have to offer.  Your voice, touch, smell, and your reaction to things he does are what he craves.  Don’t let your baby be passive.
  • Do not expect that you can use TV and video to tutor your child or will have any positive effect on his brain.  At best, it should be a means for you to take a half-hour break from interacting with your child in a way that will help him developmentally.
  • If your baby has to watch TV, watch with him, and make watching an interactive event.  Reinforce what he sees on TV by talking or singing to him.

I’ve got a lot to learn about the dos and dont’s of parenthood, I fully admit that. However, I hope that I can take these feelings of regret of what I perhaps SHOULDN’T have done, learn from it, and educate myself as to what I CAN do to make sure my little guy becomes the magical child he can, and can live up to all his wonderful potential.

Go Go Gadget Disappointment

The great Inspector Gadget – hi-tech scourge of the underworld, has met his match, apparently. It was not at the hands of M.A.D. Agents like Presto Chango, Greenfinger, or even through the machinations of his arch enemy, Dr. Claw.

No, this time Inspector Gadget was finally done in by the villainous Netflix.

This past year I had relished the chance to relive a very vivid part of my childhood, courtesy of Netflix streaming the complete original series of Inspector Gadget. The complete series is not even available on DVD, yet here it was, readily available for my viewing pleasure at the click of a button.

The moment that simplistic, yet catchy theme song began and the voice of Don Adams hit the air, I was like a kid again, and I could not wait to sit down with my kid and enjoy the adventure.

I was around pre-school age or slightly younger when Gadget was originally on the air, and I remember how much a part of my daily routine he became. My naps were scheduled around him, and if I didn’t take those naps, you know for darn sure I wasn’t allowed to watch Gadget – something that little kid was not going to let happen.

I had the Inspector Gadget toy with extendable limbs, and a helicopter you could place in his hat. I used to run around the neighborhood with other kids, re-enacting the characters we watched on TV that afternoon. I was all over it.

So, imagine my disappointment when I say down with my son yesterday to introduce his open mind and imagination to the wild world of Gadget, Penny and Brain, only to find that Netflix has removed Inspector Gadget from its streaming. A quick search online revealed I was not the only one suddenly caught by surprise, with the series’ page on Netflix flooded with messages from like-minded viewers just wondering “wha’ happen?”

So, I picked up the phone and gave Netflix Customer Service a call. The gentleman I spoke with was great, and mentioned that he had just been watching the original series himself. A quick check and what he surmised is that Netflix’s contract with whomever holds the rights to the show likely expired. He said while that does mean it’s gone for now, it doesn’t mean it’s gone for good, and was nice enough to make a note and log the call as “wanting Inspector Gadget original series” returned to streaming, for what it’s worth.

Hey, cartoons are not what they used to be, so somebody’s got to make sure this next generation gets exposed to the “classics” of animation and preserve these animation greats.  🙂

And, just as Gadget says, “I’m always on duty.”

The wacky world of Mr. Men

A medium-sized package awaited me on the front steps yesterday as I returned home from work, and in it, a visit to the past and anticipation to the future.

The package, with its familiar “half-smile” logo from Amazon.com contained the very first Christmas present that I have purchased for my little boy. At only a few weeks old, he’s too young to know what it is or for him, I’m sure, but regardless, I scurried it away to the top of my closet shelf, where I keep Christmas gifts I want out of sight.

Inside was the 40th Anniversary, hardcover set of Roger Hargreaves’ “Mr Men” children’s book series.

If you’re unfamiliar, Mr. Men was a series first published in the United Kingdom that would yield 49 books total over time. It began back in 1971 and featured characters with names like “Mr Tickle” or “Mr Bump” with colorful characters whose physical form looked like what a child might picture a tickle to look like, or messy to appear.

The books spawned a female version of the series called “little Miss” and continued beyond Roger’s death in 1988. After that, his son, Adam, who had inspired the series by asking his dad “what does a tickle look like?” took over with new stories and characters.

This is a series that i have loved ever since I was a kid, and remember time and again the amount of glee I would get taking one out of the library and looking at the incredibly colorful, very geometric characters in Hargreaves’ world.

They were simple stories, but each one with an important message, and drawn in a very simple style with bold colors that were striking to any child, as well as any adult with an imagination.

My wife and I came across one in our Barnes and Noble this past year that we decided to pick up well before our little guy was born, Mr. Cheerful. We used it one night when he was antsy in his cradle, showing him the bright, colorful drawings splashed across the pages to calm him down. I probably had more fun reading it than he did sitting there staring at me acting so goofy.

Unfortunately, though, we recently learned that Barnes and Noble was no long carrying the books, which made me Mr. Sad.

So, when I saw the 40th Anniversary set containing the original ten volumes (Mr. Tickle, Mr. Greedy, Mr. Happy, Mr. Nosey, Mr. Sneeze, Mr. Bump, Mr. Snow, Mr. Messy, Mr. Topsy-Turvy and Mr. Silly) and for the bargain price of just over $13, I could not resist snatching them up to add to the little guy’s book collection this Christmas.

What fun awaits us in the world of Mr Men when he will be able to pay attention to what’s being read to him, let alone when he starts to read on his own. Perhaps we’ll come up with a unique name for him too, like Mr. Yeller, or Mr. Poopy. 🙂

Separation Anxiety

The family unit has survived my (gasp) return to work, despite my insane fears of hardship and anxiety last week. Meg has been home with the wee one, who has slept for most of the days, except for when he’s hungry or dirty, of course.

I can’t wait for the times ahead when he’s awake and taking in the world around him, including his mom and dad. Seeing his eyes open are an enlightening experience each day, even if they are brief, before the wails bellow from his lungs asking to be fed or changed.

While we have adjusted to our new routine, and I look forward to seeing his face and Meg’s when I walk through the door each day, there is another cloud of anxiety that has slowly crept in and hangs above us like a dooming gray forecast in the sky.

Before we know it, Meg will have to return to work as well – something neither one of us are looking forward to. Here, we have just created a miracle – a living, breathing, human being, instilled with parts of each of us. Even as I write it, I am astounded at how amazing the concept truly is.

However, the thought at this time of handing this little person, so helpless, so reliant, who knows only his mom, his dad and his kitties, over to people to watch him for the bulk of his day, only to return to us for a few hours before the end of the day and a long night’s sleep, quite frankly, scares me.

I’m not just talking about the frightening costs of childcare, which, even at the decent prices we’re getting compared to others I’ve spoken to. Sure, those costs could equal out another mortgage and a half, making me realize that our dreams of a slightly larger home may be put on hold for quite a while.

It’s the thought of handing over our little boy to strangers, whom he will spend the bulk of his time with at such a tender age, that rocks me to the core.

Not that they are bad people, but that as he starts to awaken to the world around him, he’s going to be awakening to it where he spends more time with other people than he does his family. At his tender, newborn age, I just can’t bring myself to feel right about it, no matter how common it may be.

I would love to prevent it, to have him spend his time going from newborn to toddler, spending the bulk of his days in the presence of his parents, but right now it is depressingly not appearing to be in the cards. Some have suggested that I look into a part time job to supplement income so Meg has the ability to stay at home (if she wanted to, of course. I feel that I have inadvertently put undue pressure on her to take extra time off to be with the baby) with him without worry about money. Others have suggested having a relative watch him, which just doesn’t work geographically for us.

It’s a conundrum, and one that is creeping upon us as the summer ticks away. I wish I knew what the best solution was. I wish I knew automatically what way to make it all work for him, for her, and the family as a whole.

I don’t, though. When I think about that, I feel as helpless as the little boy whose crying for me to change his diapers.

Late night breastfeeding with Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel

My son, only a week or so old, has quite the well-developed set of lungs.

He likes to show them off to us usually ni the middle of the night, working himself into such a tizzy during breastfeeding that he’s too worried about screaming to get fed than actually feeding.

Hey, when you’re under 14 days old, you get a lot of slack.

So, last night in the wee hours of the morning, while my wife set up next to me in bed, struggling with the little one, I looked over to my my Alarm Clock/Radio/CD Player on the nightstand and remembered the CD inside – Simon and Garfunkel’s Greatest Hits.

So, I flicked the switch to Track 8 “At the Zoo” – a song we used to listen to a lot when he was in utero.

It took a little bit, but before the song ended, he had begun to calm down, becoming much more manageable through “Fakin’ It,” “Mrs. Robinson,” “Old Friends,” and my personal favorite, “The Boxer,” which all followed. Meg then joined in singing a few bars, which also helped “soothe the savage beast,” as they say. 🙂

A few diaper changes and tears followed, of course, but thank you, Paul Simon, and thank you, Art Garfunkel, for helping calm my little boy down, and making the middle of the night feedings and diaper changes a little more groovy.

Back to work

ImageToday has been tough.

It’s been my first day returning to work following the arrival of our little guy.

I knew it wouldn’t be easy, and I understand the necessity of it, as being without a job and an income is not exactly helpful to my wife, or my son. So, there is an inherent sense of responsibility that comes along with the little man.

While I wasn’t looking forward to it, I know it hit Meg very hard as I left this morning. With tears in her eyes, and our little boy in her arms, they said goodbye to me for the day and waved to me out the window.

I’ve been lucky enough to have been able to spend ten days with them since his birth, and they have been the best ten days of my life so far. I dreaded the countdown with each day that meant that I wouldn’t be around to help with his diapers, get laundry done while she nursed, or do the dishes when she tried to rest for a few minutes during his naps.

I’ve spent these ten days building an incredible bond with this little person, and strengthened the bond with my wife. So, leaving that behind this morning and heading back into the newsroom where I work has not been the easiest of transitions.

However, while it’s given me a great amount of sadness, it has also given me a great amount of motivation. It inspires me to work even harder, become even more dedicated, to creating a quality of life for my family that is better than what we have. It has made me realize that what stands between me and being a write-from-home dad and husband instead of a write-from-the-newsroom dad is my own dedication and motivation. I want my son to know that doing what you enjoy in life is more than just what people say, it’s something that can be yours. I want him to see from the example I will set that you can create your own career destiny.

Don’t get me wrong, as I know sometimes, it could be taken that I “hate my job,” which is not the case. I have a great boss, and I make a decent living (or at least enough to get by with the student loan debt I unfortunately have). However, it’s never been where my passion lies. I set out to be a writer. Yes, I write, but it’s a more technical form of writing or re-writing of other people’s work throughout the day. What I want, though, is that dream of writing from my home office, of being there for my family while still earning a living for them.

You can want something until the cows come home, and yes, you can work on it a little here and a little there. However, forming a plan, knowing the path, knowing what you need to get there, and most importantly, having those motivations, those people who you want to do it for, that’s an entirely different thing all together.

They’ve given me something to strive for, and I aim to reach it.

Tired

I jotted down this note to myself the day we brought our boy home from the hospital:

“We have only been home from the hospital for three hours and I don’t think I have ever been so tired in my life.

I feel terrible even using the phrase ‘I’m tired’ as I feel that my wife had redefined the word after her past few days.

Since we’ve been home these three hours, our little guy has had two feedings, a diaper change, and is now napping.

Both Meg and myself are trying to heed the advice given to us by many and try to nap when he naps, even if it’s for just a fewer items.

Since we are still adjusting the baby and our cats to the wonderful world of co existence, our napping has been in shifts so that one can keep an eye on the baby and cats while the other one sleeps.

But with every little noise he makes, we wake and check.

As I write this, Meg is asleep on the couch, the cats all asleep in various spots, the baby asleep in the pack and play, and I on the chair.

She has tried to convince me to do something lazy and mindless while she and they sleep, such as watching cartoons. But despite the lure of a gilded invitation to do so, I just can’t find the energy to go more than blindly just ‘sit’.

I’ve run races and never felt so tired, but the emotional wallop of the past few days does not compare to any race.”

Now, several days later, we are doing a little bit better. By better, I mean my wife and I are adjusting (as are the cats).

The little guy has taken to feedings at a multitude of intervals throughout the night, starting around 11 or midnight, and wanting to go again every hour or so. That is not counting any of his diaper changes, of which there are several during the night.

During the day, he seems to eat a lot in the morning and then sleep through most of the day, waking in the evening for another feeding before sleeping and starting his nocturnal activities.

A lot of people have told us we need to sleep when he sleeps, but it becomes difficult, as when he is sleeping (and not screaming to be fed or changed) seems to be the only time to tackle things that need to be done around the house, be it laundry, dishes, etc, etc. So, a small cat nap here or there, but no large slumbers for us thus far.

Some people have told us “oh no, he’s got his days and nights mixed up,” but our pediatrician says that, being only a week old, he will, in time, start to develop a more normal routine. We’re hoping this is the case.

Our sleep has still been few and far between, which sometimes makes irritability an issue between my wife and I, but we’re managing. We know that this too, shall pass, and that this is all a part of the wild world of babies, children, and parenting.

I take a huge chunk of responsibility for part of our fatigue, as, with various requests “to meet the baby” I scheduled visits with friends/family each night of the week this week, meaning every night has been occupied. I admit, I think I may have overextended us.